The Gay Child
I went to a dinner party on Monday night, and I was incredibly surprised and excited to learn that a classmate is pregnant! 13 weeks! This is very strange for several reasons, but mostly because it reinforced the fact that I am an adult, and that my friends are adults.
We were talking about genetic testing, amniocentesis, and chorionic villus sampling , and what should be tested, and what should be left up to fate. (The classmate is an Ashkenazi Jew, so there’s an increased risk of a number congenital diseases. Note: most Jews in the US are Ashkenazi. I didn’t know this until last year; I thought Ashkenazi was some rare group of Jews. Not true.) If some serious genetic diseases were detected, they would probably terminate the pregnancy.
Anyway, I joked that they should also check for the gay gene (see, that’s funny, because there isn’t one), and somehow it came up that if the gay gene was positive, they’d have to think if they wanted to continue the pregnancy, as if being gay was along the lines of Tay-Sachs or something. I couldn’t help but identify with the fetus, and felt a little offended (I’m sure the friend didn’t mean to offend). I was just surprised at how different a perspective I must have. I guess I can see my classmate’s perspective-you wouldn’t want your child to have any extra hardships in his or her life-but I just have a hard time thinking of the notion of me not being here because my parents learned something about me. (This probably stems from my human egotism of existance, but let’s ignore that part of it for a minute.)
If you haven’t noticed, yes, it’s not necessarily the best fate to be the lucky person chosen by the Universal Order to play the gay for this lifetime, but I’ll be damned if I’m not a much better person for it. I understand compassion, kindness, struggle, injustice, stereotyping, ignorance, and unconditional love and blind hate better than many people that have grown up in similar, heterosexual shoes.
It’s part of me, not the most important part, but part of me, nonetheless. I’m pretty happy with how I’ve turned out, and I wouldn’t change any of it, even if I had the chance. (Well, okay, maybe a little less neuroticism, and maybe a nosejob. And maybe showering more in the 7th grade would have helped.) But I’m me; I’m not diseased, I’m not sick. Within the normal limits. Or just outside them. But anyway, who wants to be normal? Normal’s boring, if you ask me.
You know, I’m more shocked that they even would consider terminating the pregnancy if the child were found to have any genetic disease at all. The world of “Gattaca” seems closer than I ever imagined.
Fifteen years in Emergency nursing have taught me to be shocked at nothing. Many people would choose to terminate a pregnancy based on gender alone, never mind sexual preference.
Oh, by the way, this is a great blog. Please don’t stop blogging. And your nose is fine…gets the job done, doesn’t it?
Just to give you another side of the coin, I am gay and I am a teen, and I would sooooooo much rather my mother have aborted me. I hate my entire life and don’t wan to be this way, don’t want to comply, and I don’t want to skip around smiling and singing either. I know no one chose this for me, and it’s too late for remorse, etc. but if they could have detected it and offered the option, I would hope she would have aborted me. These are my thoughts, thewy cannot be wrong because I own them, yours can only be different. Thnx
Yeah, ever since hearing about how common it is in some parts of the world to have female fetuses aborted, it just doesn’t shock me that people have rather disturbing reasons for terminating pregnancies.
I don’t see much wrong with (an early) termination of a pregnancy… Even if it is for a reason I don’t necessarily understand. Because I realize that people usually terminate pregnancies because they fear (or know) they won’t be able to handle the offspring. (And I think that’s across the board, whether the termination be because of rape of a teen, or because of a severe birth defect, or because the family is far too poor to afford a dowry for a female child in their society.) A lot of people feel abortion is morally wrong because it is usually, at least partially, a selfish decision. But you know, I make selfish decisions every day that might negatively impact others in some way, even though I wouldn’t want to negatively impact others, and wouldn’t do so intentionally. So who am I to judge someone who terminates a down syndrome fetus? (But then I do happen to be in the camp where I see a big, big difference between 1st & 2nd trimester abortions as opposed to infanticide. To me, they are not the same. But of course many disagree with that, and I know they have their reasons.)
But it just makes me saddened that as a society, we really are still so bigoted, and intellectually stunted in the areas of irrational emotional responses, despite all our technological advances.
Whether it’s about sexual orientation or just plain gender. Never mind physical or mental handicaps.
I agree there’s a big difference between conjoined twins and homosexuality, or mental retardation and feminine gender. But I still think it’s too bad that we treat a lot of people like freak show curiosities, instead of people who just happen to be not the norm, or less perfect from our self-centered perspectives.
To Aaron1989: I know you have these deep feelings that trouble you, and I can do little to change them, other than to offer my sympathy (many of us gay adults have been there before) and the following thoughts:
(1) I am 99.999% sure those hurt feelings will go away with time, as you learn your way towards being a well-adjusted and happier person.
(2) It’s really not something to fear and loathe, your future as a gay person, even if it is hard to accept that now. You’ll see someday. You’ve got a future filled with some wonderful possibilities and, yes, the potential for real happiness.
I am also gay and I enjoy being this way. I wouldn’t change a thing either. Im only 16 years old and i’ve known almost all my life. I feel very relieved that someone else out there is ok with being this way. All I’ve been reading on the internet is negativity towards homosexuals and some things I find offensive. I was just researching for my paper in my Writing and Research class on how the brain develops differently in a gay person than in a straight person and I came across your page. So thank you for giving me some hope that maybe some day people won’t be so prejudicial.