I left to watch the Olympics at a friend’s yesterday, and saw these posters plastered all over our mailboxes:

The main text:

bq. You are in an area where a mountain lion was reported on Monday, August 9, 2004. This cat acted in bold manner by stalking the observer. Public Safety and Wildlife personnel have checked the area and will continue to monitor the area.

I swear, they’re getting closer and closer. Now, some call me paranoid (I prefer “imaginative”), but I have seriously imagined this happening ever since that first sighting. Sometimes I’ll be walking to the gym and try to decide what I would do if I saw a mountain lion walking down the street toward me. There’s also a hawk that likes to circle around, and I’ve also decided that it’s a mutant hawk with really bad vision, so one of these days it will think I’m a mouse or something, and fly down and attack me. Nature is clearly out to get me. But luckily, I’ll be prepared.

The bottom of the flyer, I must say, reads a little bit like the Happy Fun Ball warning. I know the police department is trying to help, but come on:

* Do not hike or run alone
* Do not approach a lion
* Do not run or turn your back to a lion
* Do not crouch down or bend over
* Do keep your children close to you
* Do all you can to appear larger
* Do fight back if attacked

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